Don't Drink and Lead
by flyingchicken
Summary: Various leaders from different clans and time periods find mysterious puddles of liquid... which happens to be two-leg beer. Drunken...ness ensues!


**Next story... enjoy!**

**-----------------------------------------------------**

Sunlight filtered through the trees as Firestar padded slowly through the forest. The sun shone on him like a beacon, lighting up his fiery pelt.

The Thunderclan leader had decided to go for a hunt, to enjoy the prey-rich time of greenleaf.

Hearing a small puttering close to a tree, Firestar instantly crept down, mouth open, pinpointing his prey's location.

_Mouse._ he thought. He began to slowly creep up on it, using the skills he learned many seasons ago.

The mouse nibbled on a seed, unaware of Firestar's approach.

Just as Firestar prepared to pounce, Graystripe fell into a hole filled with cheese, scaring the mouse away.

"Mouse dung!" exclaimed Firestar, as he turned to glare at the cheese-covered Graystripe.

"Sorry..." Graystripe mumbled as he slowly walked away, tripping over leaves as he went.

Firestar fumed, but calmed down at the thought that there was plenty more prey to be caught.

As he turned around, he noticed a small puddle of rainwater. Feeling thirsty, he walked over and lapped some of it up. However, he failed to notice the clear, half-full two-leg object that was dripping out the "water."

"Blegh!" he scrambled back in surprise as he tasted it. It had a weird flavor that was a little sour, but was interestingly different.

He slowly drank a little more, but it didn't taste as bad this time. He started to lap it up wildly now, until he felt satisfied.

He sat up and began to walk away... only to lose his balance and fall down.

"ha wat was that my legs are like FLUBBER!" he exclaimed in confusion.

He again rose, a little unsteadily, and started walking...

...right into a tree.

"Ow hey wawawhat was thAAaat?" said the extremely confused and messed up Firestar.

"Stupid tree!" He began to claw at the tree, only succeeding at hurting himself and falling over backwards... again.

A branch fell high up on the tree onto his head.

Firestar died a little inside.

Drunk, confused, and bleeding slightly, Firestar meandered about until miraculously, he found his way to the entrance to the camp...

...and slid down said entrance.

Falling head over paws, he tumbled down the slope, knocking over Ashfur, Thornclaw, Brackenfur, and Dustpelt, and hitting Graystripe back into the hole filled with cheese.

---------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in Georgia, a man in a bowling alley yelled "Strike!"

---------------------------------------------------

Back in the forest, Thunderclan gathered around its deranged leader (minus Ashfur, Thornclaw, Brackenfur, Dustpelt, and Graystripe), as Firestar wobbled unsteadily on his feet.

"Firestar?" asked Sandstorm cautiously. She wondered if he had sniffed too much catmint again.

Firestar slowly turned to look at her, then grinned.

"Hehe, yur...purty..." he said in his haze of madness.

Sandstorm backed away slowly. "Don't worry Firestar, everything will be alright..." she said.

Firestar stepped forward, stumbled, then sat up again.

"...What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?!"

...

"Firestar, you need some rest," Sandstorm meowed to her mate, as she slowly let him up to his den, while Willowpelt tried to keep him from tripping. Needless to say, it was very difficult.

As they finally reached the den, Graystripe appeared out of it, covered in cheese.

Firestar shrieked, and Sandstorm and Willowpelt promptly became temporarily deaf.

Completely forgetting about his clanmates, Firestar stumbled into his den.

He tried to settle in his nest, but somehow clung to the ceiling instead.

Drunk, confused, and completely worn out, Firestar fell into a sleep that was interrupted by cheese, stalkers, and sleep.

From then on, Firestar would sometimes go back to the mysterious puddle in times of stress and hardship.

He was drunk while in the mountains.

He was drunk when Hawkfrost tried to kill him.

He was drunk in the battle with Windclan.

What happened during those times is up to your imagination.

Time will tell if his daughters share his alcoholism.

(and if Stormfur likes cheese)

**-----------------------------------------------------**

**Meh... didn't turn out as good as I'd hoped, but it was fun to write.**

**The entire cheese thing was for "Siyui no Akatsuki". **

**Review please!**


End file.
